


You Took The Tongue I Talk With

by OwenToDawn



Series: Hold My Body, Hold My Breath [2]
Category: Jay Park (Musician), Show Me the Money (Korea TV), Winner (Band)
Genre: Crying, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27820615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwenToDawn/pseuds/OwenToDawn
Summary: "It’s pathetic isn’t it?” Minho asks as he approaches the couch and then hops over the back of it to sit next to him.Even sitting, he’s taller than Jaebeom is. “What’s pathetic?”“That I’m in love with someone who hates me.”
Relationships: Park Jaebeom | Jay Park/Song Minho | Mino, Song Minho | Mino/Woo Jiho | Zico
Series: Hold My Body, Hold My Breath [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035810
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	You Took The Tongue I Talk With

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write the scene where Minho and Jaebeom drunkenly kiss from Resentment Blossomed Flowers since I wrote the scene where Minho admits to doing it lol so here it is! If you haven't read that fic this scene will likely make 0 sense to you
> 
> This is also a pseudo-teaser for my next and final fic in this series that I am hoping to write before the end of the year. We shall see. 
> 
> Title from I Can't Do It Alone by 3OH!3 which is very much the vibe of this small scene

Jaebeom stares at the door Jiho had stormed through and then glances over at Minho. For all the angry words, Minho doesn’t look all that distressed, though it’s obvious he’s got tears in his eyes. He sets his new can of Guinness on the counter with an exceeding degree of care and gentleness that doesn’t seem to match the coiled rage in every line of his body. It’s weird. Being privy to such personal information about Minho and Jiho both feels wrong almost, but he’s gotten used to the way it seems to happen with the few other gay and bisexual people in the industry he’s been around. It’s like they’re all so desperate to have someone they don’t have to hide from, the normal personal boundaries just vanish. He sort of hates it, even if he does it himself.

“So…you gonna be okay?” Jaebeom asks.

Minho lets out a long breath and then seems to think better of his actions and puts the can of beer back in the fridge. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. This whole thing is really nothing new for us, and I’m sorry you had to see it.”

It’s almost physically painful to see how easily Minho takes on the responsibility for Jiho’s actions. It makes him glad he’s resolved to never get involved with another man. It’s not worth the drama, the heartache, the compounding guilt and self-hatred. He’s not going to argue it’s impossible to be happy that way, but he knows it’s not for him.

"It’s pathetic isn’t it?” Minho asks as he approaches the couch and then hops over the back of it to sit next to him.

Even sitting, he’s taller than Jaebeom is. “What’s pathetic?”

“That I’m in love with someone who hates me.”

The tone could pass as cavalier if it weren’t for the way Minho’s voice cracks at the end of the sentence. Jaebeom knows what it looks like to try and cover up the need for reassurance with bravado. Sometimes, that feels like what his whole career is. He is nowhere near drunk enough for such contemplations.

“I don’t think he hates you,” Jaebeom says.

It’s apparently the wrong thing to say because Minho seems to almost shrink in on himself in response. The difference between the real Minho and the Minho at show taping couldn’t be more starkly different and it sort of hurts to see even if a larger part of him wants to tell Minho to get it together. That type of advice doesn’t really help. And…he is aware that it’s probably easier for him to say that when he hasn’t been in love with a man in nearly three years.

“Sorry, I’m shit at comforting people about this stuff,” Jaebeom says.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Minho says. “And you are right. He doesn’t hate me. He just thinks loving me is the most disgusting thing he could ever do, in probably his entire life.”

“That’s not true though,” Jaebeom says.

Minho looks over at him, the look in his eyes harsh, judgmental even, as he looks Jaebeom up and down. “You don’t believe that. You just said ‘at least I like women’ like it makes you better.”

Jaebeom winces. “Okay, so that wasn’t the best thing I could’ve said, but I meant it like…it’s easier for me to fake, not that it means…it doesn’t mean I’m better. Or worse. I…am I making this worse?”

“No,” Minho says with a laugh that sounds too bitter. “I just…” He sighs again and looks up at Jaebeom’s ceiling as he draws his knees up to his chest. “I wish I didn’t feel like people being attracted to me was gross. I wish people loving me didn’t make me feel terrible. That’s…that’s all.”

It’s hard to imagine. Even with the shit he went through in grade school, Jaebeom can’t think of a time he ever thought of himself as repulsive, or as if it was wrong for anyone to love him or be attracted to him. It makes him want to haul Jiho back just so he can punch him.

“Do you have much experience?” Jaebeom asks.

The noise Minho makes actually is a sob this time, mixed with something that could be a laugh as he buries his head between his knees. “My first kiss, Jiho barged in and told me I would ruin everything we’d been working for.”

“Jesus…” Jaebeom lets out a breath of his own and then reaches out to rub between Minho’s shoulders. The simple action spurs Minho to lean into him. Jaebeom doesn’t dare reject him, refusing to contribute even on accident to making Minho feel like he’s disgusting for wanting comfort or love or care. “None of this is bad, Minho. You aren’t bad for feeling any of this. Jiho’s the one that’s wrong, okay? Like. Fuck, it’s not disgusting to like other dudes, or love them, or fuck them, it’s all good.”

Minho looks up at him, eyes still shining with tears that haven’t quite fallen. Then his hand is hooking around the back of Jaebeom’s neck and he’s pressing their lips together in a messy slide, noses knocking together and teeth clacking when Jaebeom opens his mouth in shock. In hindsight, maybe he should’ve expected it. Between the emotions and the alcohol, it seems a little inevitable.

Against his better judgment, Jaebeom cups Minho’s cheek and kisses him again, his eyes sliding shut as the kiss turns into something less like an awkward middle school first kiss and more like…what it should be. Minho makes a hurt noise, his fingers digging into Jaebeom’s neck as he pushes closer. Jaebeom sighs and then sucks at Minho’s lower lip as he crawls into Jaebeom’s lap, bending down to kiss him harder and deeper. He tastes like the mixture of too many types of liquor.

But Jaebeom still doesn’t push him away. Part of it is selfish – he hasn’t kissed a man in a long fucking time and it’s…nice. The other part is for Minho’s sake. He can’t imagine shoving Minho away now would help with his already fragile mentality about his sexuality. If he can help by having Minho shove his tongue in his mouth well, that works for him. Minho pulls away, but only to push his lips to Jaebeom’s jaw and then down to his neck, teeth grazing over his skin as his hands drop to Jaebeom’s sides.

Then, he freezes.

Jaebeom swallows hard and stares at the ceiling as he feels Minho realize what the fuck he’s doing. The shame and humiliation that rolls off him in waves makes him feel like he’s choking.

“It’s fine,” Jaebeom says, hand sliding up to cup the back of Minho’s head as Minho trembles in his lap. “It’s fine. You’re okay.” He keeps repeating it as Minho dissolves into tears and wonders if he’s trying to convince Minho or himself.


End file.
